What is a Situationship?

Ironically, the word is a play on the word ‘relationship’ where people repeatedly meet informally for fun, intimacy, and or to spend time together but there has been no agreement about being exclusive or about being in a relationship. Ideally, there would be a conversation as to what the situation is between the two people so both parties would know where they stand and to avoid expectations which cannot be fulfilled. Technically each person is still single and can operate as if they are still single.

Positive aspects of a situationship could be that:

• You are both free to explore without the restrictions of an exclusive romantic relationship. (For example, contacting someone regularly and investing time to see them consistently)

• You could be open to dating multiple people. This could be fun.

• You may not be ready for a committed relationship.

• It may be part of a process of elimination to find the right person and to enable you to work out what kind of person might suit you.

• Situationships have become normalised on the dating scene, and often in a university context.

Negative aspects of a situationship.

• If one person develops feelings for the other person, they may end up settling for less than what they really want.

• You may end up fooling yourself that the situationship is leading to a relationship and waste emotional energy- if this is not the case.

• There is no security in a situationship.

• It is hard to keep feelings in balance. For example, it may feel euphoric when asked out on a date, but disappointing to have a message left unread, or let down at the last minute, or to feel you are just being used for sex.

• You may be upset, jealous, or hurt if you see the other person talking to, or kissing, or dating someone else.

• You might end up hurting someone who is more invested in the situationship than you are.

Why have situationships become more common?

With dating apps, a potential person to date is reduced to an image, and someone looking to date can instantly swipe left, to disregard, or swipe right to express interest. If someone waits too long to message back or is not for you- they can be ghosted or quickly dismissed via a message or a text. Perhaps this has led to more acceptance of situationships where there:

• are big numbers of people to date,

• we are short of time,

• dating is like playing a video game and we forget that the people on the Apps have feelings and are real,

• we can have instant gratification,

• we do not want to commit too early in case there is someone better,

• we do not want to feel emotionally vulnerable and therefore might date a few people all at the same time;

• we want a quick way out.

In our next blog, the psychological aspects of situationships are considered…